Opinion: Insecurities

Hey Creepy Stalkers!

I'm going to rant about insecurities, mainly because I have a lot of them, but also because I know it's a thing that people deal with... Well, that and I have the urge to write about something. It's the first thing that came to mind. Just let me rant, okay? You don't have to read it. It's just a rant. Shhhhhh... this monologue never happened.

Without wax,
lonewriter7

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Fishing for compliments. I first heard the term when I was in sixth grade, from this upperclassman, who said that whenever I turned down a compliment, I was fishing. I really didn't understand what he meant then, but now it's common for someone to say, "Oh yeah, they're fishing for compliments... again." It's really not fair at all. No one has to accept your compliment if they don't want to! Maybe they just think you're sugar-coating things, ever thought of that?

Instead of pointing fingers, let me just say that I know "fishing" exists. But let me tell you another thing: insecurities also exist. When people don't feel worthy of praise, they turn your compliments down, or simply deny that they're true. "You have really pretty eyes," you may say. "No I don't," I would reply. People may say that's fishing, but I say that's my insecurities come in. I have pencil graphite in my right eye, and so whenever anything about my eyes comes up in conversation, good or bad, I have to mention that small detail. I always feel self conscious.

Another one of my insecurities is my level of affection. What do I mean? Well, basically, if I'm always starting conversations, or always giving you attention, I feel like I'm being desperate, though I'm not. For example, let me paint a vivid picture for you.

"Hey," I say, waving at my theoretical crush who's walking towards our lunch table. "What's up?" He turns to me and shrugs, smiling slightly. I take a seat next to him and stare into his amazingly colored eyes. "You have really cool eyes, by the way."

"Thanks," he replies, "you too." I grin, looking down at my food. I bring my eyes back to his, marveling his amazing positive aura.

Do you see what I mean? Yes, I'm exaggerating slightly, but that's not the point. The point is that insecurities exist, and there's a simple way to fix this one in particular: start the conversations. I know that if I notice myself frequently starting conversations with someone, I start to panic, and I tend to lose my cool and become paranoid. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I don't really know why, that's just what happens.

I'm also insecure about how smart I am. I always feel like someone will outsmart me, and I'll be compared to them, being the "worse" one. That's one of the things that really gets to me, as well as humor. If someone has a better sense of humor as me, I feel insecure. I guess the cure for these are to simply stop comparing myself to others.

My insecurities make me who I am, and dictate how I act around people. I don't like to show them very often, but some people know them all. Those people are the ones that I know won't judge me for my insecurities. They're the ones that I know will laugh when I say I feel ugly, and they're the ones that'll tell me, "Are you bat-sh*t crazy? You're awesome!" They're the ones that make me question my insecurities day in and day out.